


Instant

by Tierfal



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Friendship, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-27
Updated: 2012-03-27
Packaged: 2017-11-02 14:27:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/369998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tierfal/pseuds/Tierfal
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“That is the most un-instant process I have ever heard of,” Sirius said.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Instant

**Author's Note:**

> More oldy-old fic that I wrote for Eltea one year, in appreciation of the several billion times she has fed me. <3
> 
> Caveat: my head!canon is that both Remus and Peter are half-bloods.

“I don’t get it,” Sirius said.

Remus snatched the packet out of his hands, ignoring the intense crinkling. “It’s plastic.”

Sirius did not seem to know how to handle this, so he went with the default: “So’s your mum, mate.”

“No,” Peter put in. “Plastic’s this… stuff. It’s a material, and it holds out water and… stuff. Muggles love it.”

James took the packet from Remus and held it up by one corner, turning it around. “So it’s… what exactly?”

“Noodles,” Remus said. “Instant noodles.”

“What the hell’s a noodle?” James asked.

“How instant are we talking?” Sirius asked.

“This is how it works,” Remus cut in, repossessing his prize. His mother had mailed him a pack of six, which had taken four owls to fly in, but he’d been smart enough to hide the majority somewhere no one would ever find it.

That was, the dresser. No one ever used the dresser, except occasionally to barricade the door. The floor and the feet of the beds were far more convenient.

“First, you get a pot,” Remus explained.

“The smokeable kind?” Sirius asked.

“No, the copper-bottomed kind. Or a cauldron; a cauldron’s fine. Just shut up, Sirius. You get a pot, and you boil water in it.”

“The only kind of boils I know are the kind you get from dangerous plants,” James declared.

“And acid,” Peter said.

“And acid,” James agreed.

“It means you heat it up,” Remus said. “Then you put the noodles in, and then you put the flavoring powder in, and then when it’s done, you eat it, and it’s good.”

“That is the most un-instant process I have ever heard of,” Sirius said. “I have a better idea.”

Sirius’s better ideas were the stuff of legend. And the stuff of horrific nightmare. Perhaps the stuff of legendarily horrific nightmares.

“We’re going to take it out of the water-holding-out material,” Sirius announced, “and set it down on the floor, and then we’re going to sprinkle the flavor stuff on it, and then we’re all going to shoot streams of boiling water at it, and we’ll have _really_ instant noodles.”

There was a pause.

“That,” Remus said, “is an extraordinarily bad pl—”

“Let’s do it,” James said.

 

 

Evidently Ramen was not designed to work with magic. To make a long and sordid story short, the noodles exploded.

Remus pulled a long, wavy noodle out of his hair and squinted at Sirius through the hot-water-and-spice mixture currently burning his eyes.

“I’m getting a pot,” he said.

“Please get me some of the smokeable kind,” Sirius said. “I would like to forget this experience. Real-instantly.”

Peter caught the end of a noodle that was sticking to his cheek and sucked it down. He considered. “You know… these _are_ pretty good.”

James crouched down over the blast center and poked at the gooey mess of charred noodles with the tip of his wand. “I wonder if we can sneak this into Snivellus’s bed.”

Remus thought about inventing a spell that would gag them all with plastic and tie them up with Ramen noodles so that he could leave them here until he recovered his sanity.

Instead, he went downstairs to see if the kitchen Elves had a pot he could borrow.


End file.
